Saturday, April 12, 2008

shedding skin

Yesterday, the Skid Row Basketball League was honored at City Hall. I could not attend the event but my heart was with them. Don Garza, on CentralCitye, did a write up and has photos.

The event marks a change for Skid Row. It is shedding the old skin and image of being a place where people go who are at the end of their lives. Nothing to look forward to. It is becoming a place of new beginnings. There is even a Photography club on Thursdays now.

I feel as though I am missing some of these things as I am working at night. However I must do what I must do.

Everything is changing around me and I like that.

I am also enjoying a bit of change. I am looking forward now instead of looking in the past. I no longer feel this sense of doom that hovered over me for so long when I first arrived. It took lots of hard work to shake that attitude. IT took hard work and good, dedicated friends.

before Friday, only two women called me on my cell phone. They were unpleasant calls. The first woman was the second probation officer. She reminded me, clearly, of the fact that the county has jurisdiction over me. The second woman was my sister. She called me twice on Monday evening. Both calls were unpleasant.

On Friday I received a call from a friend who lives up north in the bay area. We talked for a long time. She has been reading my blog and said that it touched many things inside of her and that she saw a different side of me. She was very supportive.

This morning I received a call from a woman who is in town. She was born and raised here but lives in New York now. She has read every one of my blogs and has been very supportive. Her support has pulled me through some very hard times.

Those two woman mark a trend in things that are happening to me like the things that are happening to Skid Row. For years people looked down on the people of Skid Row.
My sister looked down on me. I understood how many people feel on Skid Row just by hearing the words and feeling the lack of respect that she feels toward me.

But I did not have to listen to that harassment and abuse so I hung up the phone. And many people on Skid Row are doing the same.

It is amazing how just a few things can really change things. But they have.
This blog changed alot of things for me. I never would have started doing this
had it not been for ERic Richardson and Don GArza.

From the blog, I have learned about Downtown and met lots of people. It has been a vehicle for growth.

Lately, I have bought a few things. THEY BELONG TO ME. I finally threw away a shirt that was given to me when I first got to Skid Row. Every thing on my body, except my vest, was given to me. I think that is why I always wore my vest.

I was thankful for the clothes but and each time something was given to me it, I no longer had to experience daily the times that the previous clothing symbolized. The emotions, the pain.

Skid Row is shedding skin. I am shedding skin. I am adding on new skin. It feels great and it allows me to feel differently about myself.

I wonder if people who receive clothes all of the time get conditioned to feel that they can not get clothing for themselves. If they have received things for so long that they feel it is the only way to get clothing.

I do not know but I know that when I bought my shoes and belt, it felt as though I were shedding painful memories and adding new life to myself.

I have old towels that look like gym towels. I have had them for over a year.
They are no longer white. They are pastel. I keep remembering the times when I first got those towels. I got them when I first arrived to Skid Row. A painful time.

I am going to leave here and purchase new towels. I will shed the old.

Some people can not shed the old. I have been blessed.

Some people want you to stay in the old. Skid Row wont let people do that. I wont as well. I

I am on the way to get these towels. talk tomorrow

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