Tuesday, April 29, 2008
STill House Cleaning.
As you can see, things are scattered everywhere in my room. However, before I wrote this blog, I threw out three thrash cans full of paper and donated some more clothes.
Even though stuff is scattered everywhere, I feel great. I am getting rid of so much stuff that reminds me of a time that I would rather forget. I got through it. I want to put all of those painful memories behind me. the papers and the clothes remind of those times.
You see the single sheet of paper with my name at the bottom of it. That is called a
"MEETING Sign-up Sheet". That is a very common sheet on Skid Row. It is as common as a California Driver license. They come in all sizes an shapes, in paper or card stock. The courts want to see them or a residential program. They want to make certain that you are maintaining your recovery treatment program.
I will comment on the effectiveness of that philosophy in a subsequent blog.
I took a close up of one of my sheets that I found. As you can see, it is dated exactly one year ago today. I was probably not in the meeting. More than likely, I was in the guard shack. It was the custom of the Transition House that if you volunteered for the guard shack, you could get credit for the meeting.
As you can imagine, I volunteered every single day from 8am to 8pm, for seven months.
It was my sanctuary. I could get away from all of the confusion and chaos, the rap music and the anger that many people had in the facility. I could also write all day. I saved all of my writings.
I had to save all of my meeting sheets. And of course I had many of them when I went to court. The judge did not care about them, however. He wanted me to go to the classes that I am attending now. I did not know that. So I am doing them now.
I have accepted that and have adjusted to it.
Actually, I am learning how to recognize anger in other people, to recognize signs of toxicity in individuals. IT is very interesting.
So I am throwingt stuff like that away. I am glad I am getting rid of the past. It takes a load off of me. IT is a lot of work but it is worth it. I can finally move forward, completely.
By the way, this "spring cleaning" is good for another reason. It is keeping me busy. As you know, I have been waiting for my license. I have done well not thinking about it and the outcome.
Until this morning. I ran across some papers I copied from the internet concerning expungement of cases. Of course, I had to run into a section where a man commented on how expungement enabled him to get a real estate license that had been denied him previously. Of course each case is different but that got to me.
So now what do I do. I must use the skills I learned while piling up those meeting slips. I had to learn how to be patient. This time last year, I thought I would never see my mother again. I cried every night.
I had to learn how to put it out of my mind. People told me to do that every day. They had much experience with that kind of thing. Some people that taught me that lesson were in prison at times when their mothers' died and they could not attend the funeral. Imagine dealing with that kind of pain.
Yes, they taught me alot.
So now, as I am typing, I have put it in its proper place for now so I can concentrate on what I have to do. I have to get things done regardless of the outcome. I remember in college and after that, whenever I broke up with a girlfriend, I did not want to study or do business. I wallowed in misery.
This experience taught me how to keep living and surviving and not let things fall apart.
Well, back to the room. Must keep clearing stuff out.