Sunday was the culmination of a lot of years-a lot of work. Not just the time that I have been down here. But all of the years before that. The decisions to change my life. The baby steps taken to beginning that process. These were things that developed over a period of time--like not going out past midnight to get anything to consume. Even that was not the starting point. The starting point was something along the lines of not going with someone, that I don't know, to some place where I have never been, in a car that may not belong to them for some drugs.
Then the bottom, etc. but it has been an ongoing process.
And yes, I was right when I said I needed time to let the air clear after obtaining a job and getting the license back and preparing to see my mother. I had no idea how stressed out I have been for such a long period of time.
Since coming back from my mother's house, there has been a sense of calm about me. A since of reuniting. not just with my mother but that reunification was the glue that bound other things together and brought other feelings and discoveries to the surface. And all of this happened on mother's day. The meaning of that day has so many different shades to it now.
I also worked alonside my sister to clear out some things. So yes it was a big step for the family.
But as I was saying, there has been this sense of calm. I looked at the room this morning and all of a sudden things were cleared away. Working day after day has yielded results. I could use the push up bars that I purchased. However, becareful what you wish for because the first ten pushups were a struggle. But so what. I do not mind starting out with a struggle. I have struggled before and look where I am now.
I checked out craigslist and found some opportunities. All of those days that I worked on my resumes--first breaking through the mental and psychological walls were worth it. I can assemble things together with aplomb and put in my bid and wait and see what happens. My renewed broker license adds to my credentials. So it is coming together.
I am beginning to see what they meant by things opening up. Just be patient. It was hard but things are opening up and I developed a system of management that placed and maintained building blocks one step at a time and one day at a time. A learning process, a process that taught me more about myself than anything I have ever been through.
Yes, the University of Skid Row has been an experience. It has let me mode my own curriculum. The beautiful part about it is that it is not over.
With this new attitude, coupled with my management and communication systems in place, it is easier to explore opportunities and discover opportunites. Clarity brings about creativity as well.
Yes, as I told an official at the University of Pennsylvania the other day,
I have finally grown up. I was talking to a friend yesterday. We talked for hours. I could not put my finger on it until now. But that, in essensce is what has taken place. I have grown up. MOre on that topic later.
I grew up at the University of Skid Row.