Monday, May 26, 2008

Memorial DAy. and yes it is a memory

Waht you see is my very first desk and my first and only chester draws. Both of those items have been with me all of my life.

My sister and I moved the chester drawers into my mother's bedroom and I saw the burn marks. Those drawers have decals on them. On one side, you can see two of them. They are a kick boxing decals when I earned my Silver gloves for Savate which is french kick boxing. The other is a K Swiss decal that was sent to me when I received clothing from them as I was a ranked player and a well known tennis intructor and coach. The other side has a Warehouse sticker. Yes the warehouse record store. How many people remember when they first opened up and had their records piled up on the floor on La Cienega Ave. IT was during the late sixties and early 70's. My decal has a saying on it "Ecology or else".

When I got that decal I had just started smoking grass. The Vietnam War was at its peak. IT was 1970 and in that year more US Serviceman and women were killed than all of the other years combined. An horrendous amount of body bags.

Decades later and I started leaving burned pipes on the furniture. I will get the furniture redone. However when I saw it, I just looked at it, remembering the insanity of my life. I moved away further from all of that, letting go of things.
I gave some more stuff away and through things out. No need to hold on to them. No need of keeping the confused negative energy that they contained around me and burdening me, invisibly, but burdening me none the less.
As someone told me today, I am a work in progress. It is funny because it is so true. Every little thing makes a difference. Today I washed my clothes and folded them immediately. Sounds basic. IT is basic. However, I used to wash them, dry them and throw them on the bed because I had to get to a library to blog. Or I had to get to a computer to see about a job.

Perhaps I could have stayed in the room and organized things first. But I was not ready. I was not ready to start and complete something. It does not matter if you start and complete things that you enjoy. IT matters when you complete thoroughly the process that you do not enjoy. And yes, I say that because I could have been using the "need " to get to a computer as an excuse to stay stuck in the past. Staying stuck in a prison of behavior I do not know or postpone movement forward because I do not know what it is and I do not have to stretch for "peace" because I do not know where it is and do not want to search for it. That is when one is not ready. You are not remembering the past and learning from it. The past remains as your present and hinders ones progress toward the future.

So yes, I let go a little bit more. STep by step. And now I must get to work on time. ON time is the operable phrase. IT will be the thorough completion of a mornings work and it will get me further away from the past and closer towards where I am going.

Happy Memorial Day.

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