Tuesday, January 15, 2008

1:00PM 1/15/08

I can see that this is one of those days where I must post as I experience.

The walk to store on Broadway to pay the bill did not take long at all. I paid it and headed quickly back.
"Where are you going so fast like you feel like you are somebody? and where is your lunch? Go get it. I have to keep an eye on you." Michelle was being her usual self. She is from the same neighborhood. She and her husband, who resembles me, told me months ago how they walked out the house and my mother yelled my name. "I would give anything to see my son, to have him back here," she told Jay, Michelle's husband.

I remember my guts churning like never before in life. Jay said his churned when she said it. I was staying at the Transition House. It was in the summer. It was a miracle that they even ran into me. Of all the places for someone to run into me, Skid Row is not one of the places I would put at the top of the list. Yet, in a strange sort of way, this is something my father would have made me do.

When I was in high school, during the summers, my father would not let me go to summer school in my neighborhood. That meant I would have gone to school at Dorsey or Crenshaw. He thought I needed a stronger dose of reality so he would make me go to Jefferson High School on the east side. At Jefferson, I saw people dive on the ground and fight
for a dollar that was dropped by someone who was waiting in the nutrition food line. I was about to pick it up and give it to the person when 5 or 6
people dove on top of it like a pile on tackle in football. I remember seeing that and saying"Whoa, this is serious business down here". At my school, you could drop your whole wallet and it was not uncommon for someone to have a couple hundred dollars on them. (I was not one of them) The wallet would be turned in with all of the money inside.

This was survival. Seeing it made me keep a certain perspective. Skid Row is the same way. A different type of reality is experienced here. It is something he would have thought was an appropriate medicine for arrogance and a distorted perspective.
He would have been one hundred percent correct.
My I go my lunch and passed Michelle's inspection going into my building. I came to the computer. I saw an email. My sister got back to me. Felt good.
You know it is a dam shame for me to have to put myself in a position of being down here for us to communicate as much as we are. My lifestyle would not have allowed for even email communication. The very nature of it was schism producing.
I called someone. They were busy. I did not feel like I received the response I expected. A few months ago that would have sent me into the duldrums. Now, it is not about that. It is about recognizing that I am coming out of the state where I took everything personally. These are the little things that are so important at this stage. Dont get too far ahead of yourself. Definitely dont fall back. Just keep moving. Just keep looking. Just keep things clear. Throw out the baggage after every hour. That is important at this stage. Travel light. Travel as burden and as anxiety free as possible. I have to check in at the Transition House. Must go. Talk later.

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