Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Pace is Quckening. More Activity. This is good.

It was a great start to a new year. We broadcasted live from Skid Row on
Skidrowbroadcasting.com. It was a surprise to me that it was done. However it is done and with it comes a whole new insight on the potential and involvement in
a fast growing industry, internet television.

With that experience a higher floor level was drawn into my life. No, it dows not mean I must grow in broadcasting. It means that the floor level established a new level organization, communication range, and the productivity that comes with both of those. It means that some momentum is being created. It means that some postivie energy is beginning to be the dominant variable in my life. Doubt is being replaced by faith and confidence. It has come with the tearing down of old habits and the building of new ones. This process started years ago. IT started before I even started training for the triathlon. I had to go through much jungle just to get to the part of actual training because I had thought of training at USC for years.

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I received an email from an old friend of mine. I was surprised as I have not talked to her in decades. I have followed her life, of course, and thought about her alot this past year, even last week. For many years, I lived vicariously through the experiences ans adventures of my friends. I was happy that they were experiencing new things and growing with those adventures. I could see the growth in them from having them. If they grew, then, in some ways, I grew as well, in spite of the activities of self indulgence in which I was involved.

The emailed I received from this lady is another that has come from people for whom I have held a great amount of respect and admiration. It touches me that they even think about me let alone have taken the time to reach out and communicate with me.
"I am very proud of you she said." That sentence is a sentence I have heard quite a bit in reference to me over the past year. It started with my mother telling me that I matured right in front of her eyes. It has continued since I landed on skid row with counselors and peers watching me plow ahead, many times with fear and much uncertainty. I leaned on them as much as they leaned on me. Many times dedicated workers need something on which to hold on and keep going because, so many times, their efforts and faith are dashed when someone relapses or falls back into old habits and they return to prison or a self destructive lifestyle.

I have realized more and more that as I improve, grow and continue to seek growth,
there is a corresponding increase in their energy and enthusiasm. "I am very proud of you". Those words are words that I had not heard much of in decades. Now they are coming in waves. Now I am hearing them from people that have known me all of my life. It provides me with a very warm feeling. It increases my faith and belief that I am doing the right things. "Keep doing what you are doing, Walter"

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"Where are you going looking so nice", Michelle shouted to me as I walked on the nickel. The Nickel is a slang term in Skid Row. It means 5th street. It took me 10 months to figure out what it meant.

I was just thinking how good I felt when she uttered those words. I did not come out into the street, on the first business day of the new year without everything being in order. I wrote a long blog this morning but the computer crashed and it disappeared just like the one on the previous day. I kept going.

I did not like my organization level. Yesterday marked a new beginning. To maintain my position on my life's indifference curve, and to advance to the next higher indifference curve. I muyst maintain discipline. I must maintain a daily regimentation.

During the holidays, I relaxed a bit. I did not focus as much on maintaining levels. I spent time understanding the new level on which I found myself; the new level within, as well as the level my new totality postioned me to be in reltation to everything else. Obtaining my goals is very important to me. I can not do that unless everything is in equilibrium. With this surprising new experience of broadcasting, it required that I tighten up immediately as new things are happening each day.
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I washed all of my clothes while checking my email. No point in trying to blog from the Marshall House computer when it kept crashing. So I made sure my infrastructure was organized. washing clothes and organizing my papers were a big part of that.

I did not finish my cover letter or resume but that is ok. I am in the game of focus.

I have a secret to share. I had been having dreams of cocaine recently, visions of me smoking. I did not desire to smoke or indulge in any manner. I have been having them alot since Thanksgiving. People have told me dreams like this. They felt it was an subconsious manifestation of desire.

Over the last few days, I realized why I have been having those dreams. From Thanksgiving to New Years had always been my social season. From the east coast to the west coast to Europe, wherever I was, it was party time for me in November to December. Perenially, the real estate business slows down, considerably, in December unless one is working on a tax deferred exchange. So with that slow down, was party time. Parties and socializing meant cocaine. Cocaine was a long time tradition of mine during that time of year. It no longer is but the subconscious is still programmed to expect and experience that. It is important that people who have those dreams do not confuse the dreams with desire. It is just your system in a memory/condition mode. Don't fret and think you are on the verge of relapse. Embrace it and be glad you are experiencing it. Your system is just going through change. It is discarding the bad traditions, while searching for them. It is remembering new traditions and beginnings just as I did when I went to the Royces for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have travelled on a highway all of my life but I only remembered the painful memories of travelling on them in the last year. I swore I would never go on those roads again. I faced those memories and the trauma that came with those experiences when I enjoyed those two holidays with them. In fact, I have to laugh because I used to always be loaded on Thanksgiving and Christmas. This past Christmas I spent it in the company of a Police officer and his family.

QUITE A DIFFERENCE WOULDN'T YOU SAY. THAT NEVER COULD HAVE HAPPENED TWO YEARS AGO.
No matter what I felt about him, my holiday tradition would have precluded any enjoyment of his family. Things have changed because I have changed.
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With the November to New Year's tradition of self indulgence, a first quarter late start was customary. Partying did not stop with the coming of the New Year. It continued. "OH Hell, nobody is seriously back to work and in the deal making mode", I would tell myself. Sure I would return phone calls and follow up on deals in progress, but new business, there was no chance of that happening.

I have mentioned how I wanted to get everything ready for the new year. You know that I have been working to clear out the baggage and any other obstacles in my behavior or attitude that would prevent me from having a jump on this new year. Now you know the history of why it was so important to me. Somebody said to me that I have been illuminative in my narrations. I felt it important to share reasons for doing things. The sources of history that compell me to do things differently than I did in the past. Hopefully it will help someone else.

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With all of that in mind, I took time to get everything as it should be so I can plan, act and respond to things with dispatch if needed. I was glad I was patient in not rushing my resume to stickam. It forced me to be meticulous. It is fitting that I use that word as the lady who emailed me was very meticulous in every thing that she did. Her email to me this morning inspired me to not only practice the discipline to keep my organization, but to put in the extra effort that it takes to get on life's higher indifference curve. My sister said to me to develop good habits. Take little steps, she said. Those fragmented areas of good habit developments are beginning to link up and form systems of good habits that are bearing results throuogh its own synergistic energy.

So yes, I worked. I organized papers. I decided to make an appointment with the top lady at Chrysalis for tomorrow. It will force me to keep deadlines. Every thing is in place so I can do it the way it should, in relaxed comfort that is organized to facilitate creative thinking. Now I can complete my resume. I can use that as a template and alter it as needed with other job applications on the web.
As of tomorrow, I should be able to blitz the market to put myself in the game of opportunity on a wide scale.
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I was thinking about about all of those things when I was walking down the street and ran into Michelle. The nickel was crowded. The dealers were back. I breezed by them as if they were a feather. I felt my energy as strong and self contained. It is a new year. I feel new and improved and I had on a new sweat outfit to display that attitude, inside and outside.

"Dam, walter, you look like you are ready for something. Thank you for letting me see that.Yeah, walter, you are the business today", she uttered. I said goodbye and headed for Chrysalis. I signed my name on the sheet and made a bee line to the site manager's office. She saw me coming and a big, welcoming smile encouraged me to enter her office. "How do you feel today, Walter?", she asked with both eyes zeroed in on me. "I feel great and organized." My next sentence was going to request an appointment with her for tomorrow, to make sure I accomplish my other work today. There would have been a time when the sudden change of events like the new broadcasting today, would have been a MENTAL obstacle in completing the prerequites of forward movement. Not any more. Everything is cleared away to respond to additional events to be in my life. Those events will not be used as an subconscious excuse to delay, and therefore continue to luxuriate in the pleasure of dissatisfaction. That is the one thing that people get used to when the wallow in the world of sensation.

She cut me off, "tell me all about it". I gave her a briefing and then we scheduled my appointment for tomorrow morning. I quickly left and went to the computers. The one that was available did not work. So what. No big deal.

I walked out of the office of Chrysalis and headed to where I am at this moment, at the Little Tokyo library. I have five more minutes before my time is up. I had to blog. I had to put these thoughts and this sharing behind me, to move forward.

It helps me see where I am. I see more as I write. It is very much the same process as taking notes in class. Everything gets engrained into the subconscious. The process, the attitude, the building of faith and confidence.

This blog is finished. I realized I have no more pictures in advance. I must go take some. I will use my bike to get some more. Afterwards, a trip to the Transition house is in order to upload them. After that, I am expected at Garza's at 2 oclock to broadcast. Yes, oh yes. The new year is starting out fine.

After the broadcast, I shall return to my room and the rest of the day will be spent to prepare for the meeting tomorrow. I shall have everything ready for her final critique, my necessary adjusments and submission of my resume to Stickam.

time is up.

good afternoon world. I love you

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