Wednesday, January 2, 2008


It is a new year and things are happening quickly. The case manager told me last week that he had all of my documents, meeting slips, etc. I turned in my only remaining outstanding slip this morning. So I thought. Again, he told me that I was short a meeting sheet. He has a volatile temper so there is no use in asking him to take a look in the files. On Skid Row, the case managers are very dogmatic and heavy handed. for the most part they are worthless. Out of 100 of them, you may have 30 that are dedicated, knowledgeable and fair. If you are not lucky to have one that possesses all of those attributes, then you must establish relationships with whomever you can to access information. You have to put together your own team to help you get whatever you need. Basically you have a case manager that keeps files organized for the organization for which they work. Those files are not to help the client. Those files are to help the organization comply with whatever governament body that controls their funding. They make sure their information is complete. The case manager is their front line manager for compliance to the authorities. They are very knowledgeable when it comes to what the organization needs but they are little knowledge to help the person that needs help.


I spoke about how I used to party from November to January 1. I also said it did not stop for a couple of weeks after that. Therefore I did not do what is sacred for a marketing/sales person at the beginning of those years. It is to get a fast start on the new year. I would start my year in February in so far as new business was concerned. Follow ups or consumating deals, no problem. However, cold calling for new business was always delayed until the partying ran its course.

I started fast this year. I am putting my head to the grind stone. The resume and cover letter issue was not about being able to do it. It was about concentrating on the little things that loom large in the pursuit of success in life-the fundamentals.
That is what the issue really was. I wanted to discipline myself throroughly on the basics so I can utilize my education and talents.

I look around Skid Row. The year has barely started but I can see the differentiate those that have a jump start in accomplishing their goals this year from those that are still in whatever world they were in at the end of the year. You can see that those who have not made adjustments have in effect, lost this year. It is over for them. It may take months for them to get the right attitude to move forward in a healthy manner. That assumes, of course, that moving forward in a healthy manner is a goal in the first place. Around here, that is a big assumption to make.

You see those that have not made adjustments drift further out into NOWHERE SEA.
It is a sea where they can drift deeper and deeper each day. Those that are on a raft in that see, do not even know they are in that sea, let alone , the fact that they are drifting further into darkness. It will be so dark at one point that they could not find themselves even if they knew where to point the flashlight.

I wonder if that was what my old friends thought each year-Walter is drifting further into darkness. "Slipping into Darkness". Remember that song. IT iwas a song from the group War. It was a tremendous hit. It is interesting because one of the members of that band has a son that I met down here. He lived in the Transition House. He moved over to the Harbor Lite. I saw him one day and he had what is known down here as the "glow". The glow is something that you get when you have stayed off drugs for a long time and you are growing withing. The light of life is radiating from your being. You can not strive for the glow. You must LIVE the glow.
If you strive for it you are not doing the right things.

One day, someone will look at you and tells you "You have the glow".

"Really, I have it?" . Really, do I really have the glow?" "Wow".

That is usually the exchange. You do not know you have it. You do not feel it because you are so busy strugging to understand, struggling to live. One day, you start to feel it inside of you. That is what I have been feeling. That is what I have writing about, the development of my glow. I did not know it until just now, just this split second. I told a few people that I did not know what was happening to me- that I was feeling alot different inside.

Sure, I was told a few months ago that I had the glow. I found it hard to believe that I had it. I sure did not feel that I had it. They say that is how it is. You are the last to know. Maybe that is why people speak to me everyday on these mean streets down here. As the glow comes, you must do things to keep it going. You do not do them to keep the glow going. You do them to advance in internal growth as well as external movement toward one's goals. If you grow internally, then the external progress is built on stron fundamentals.

Don, the son of the War band member had the glow. I remember telling him he had it.
A smile lit his face when I said he had it. The glow is a sign that you have gone through the rite of passage. I hope Don is ok. I have not seen him lately.

You see the glow in those that have a jump on this year. It is not in the form of radiation. They do not have time to see what they have. They are pushing forward.

You feel the glow. You feel the warmth inside as you force yourself to reach new levels. Yes, now I am organized. So what. Stay organized. Get better organized.
Use the increased organization to allow you to multi-task even further. Trim your hair even more as you stand in the mirror. Think of a word to use in a blog.
Think of a way to sove issures.

Answers begin to come to you. They would not come if you were stagnating. They would not come if you are slipping into darkness. They would not come if one still must think about the cover letter and resume as they are symbolic of what has not been done; going through the discipline, internally and externally to package something to harness knowledge and create something that can propell one forward.
That is what that cover letter was about.

That thing for which I did not have an answer a few weeks ago when I asked people to help me describe what was happening inside of me is the internal glow blazing away.
It is comprised of many things. The result of which is increased faith, increased confidence. It is good because now that so much has been done, I am in the game thoroughly. I am in the game to get myself in the game.

Yes, I believe I would be an asset to IT is up to them to believe it as well. I must continue to research. I must continue to grow. The more I research and hit "careers" or "jobs" on these websites, the luckier I get. I find "can" that I can potentially turn into money. I find seeds that I can plant and see if they grow so that I can harvest the fruit that comes with it.

I am on that indifference curve now. I see it. It has taken time for me to understand all that it means. It took alot to get here. I will have to move up and down on the indifference curve to understand the tradeoffs. The faster I understand them, experience them as necessary to move forward, the faster I can get to the next one. The next one should be the harvest. The next one should be the one where I begin to earn monies. We shall see.

I see the glow in others as I walk in skid row. we are like a squad of soldiers on a mission--search and DISCOVER. We are intense and we have a strong purpose.

Last night, I started a book. I haven't read one in a long time. I read many in the first months of the year. Now I can read one for healthy reasons. I no longer am reading one to hide-to hide from the world and from myself. A novel can create a virtual self which is just as dangerous in the form of creating a dependency as anything else. I understood that then. I had to break away from it just as I broke away from the guard shack. When you have the glow, when you feel it. You have more confidence. You do not want to hide. You want to walk through all of it. The faster you walk through what ever is necessary to walk through, the faster you get to where you want to go.


I started my new work out regimentation. Increasing it. I started with pushups.
I increased it to sit ups. Now I have push ups and sit ups. Yes, I am doing what it takes to feel that glow more and to benefit further with what that feeling brings.

Good Afternoon world. I love you

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