Monday, January 14, 2008

A New Phase-I am in it.

It was an intense day. It was a productive day. A veil was lifted. It will take time to understand where the increased clarity is. I just know that the first packaging of Walter Melton is done.

I thought I would need all weekend but I only needed a couple of hours this morning to transcribe the thoughts that had been formulating in my head. There was no anxiety, just the anticipation of getting something done.

I woke up at five in the morning and checked my numbers. I was surprised that they did not have the weekend downturn in readership that used to make me loose my breadth. Indeed, the blog was my primary nourishment for self esteem healing and any downturn was viewed as a four alarm crisis. Once the analytics read 1 viewer. I just about fainted but then I found out that the analytics tracker was not working.

I saw where a friend of mine emailed me. It is always a pleasant surprise to hear from her. She believes that there is some talent in me so who am to complain. It feels good to have an old friend believe in me. She provided the fuel to kickstart my projects for the day.

At six in the morning, I had the bed made, floor swept and I was ready to attack the day. I decided to wait until I obtained my morning milk and juice. I am developing a regimen that i want to be consistent. I must do what it takes to get to the next level. However, that regimen could be threatened as I found out some news. More on that later.

Drinking the milk and juice, I worked out the logistics for the day and the possible obstacles. I could not afford any mess ups as I was going to meet the nice lady at Chrysalis at 2 o'clock. I was not going to be late. I was not going to have any excuses.

At seven thirty, sheets of paper were spread on the bed. I looked over every one to see if any key words were omitted from my word sheet. I looked at my drafts and knew that the hardest part was the first section. I had the information but it was verbose. I was told recently that I could talk a blue streak and could write even more. My resume documents proved that to be very true. Those sentiments were echoed today when the Chrysalis lady reviewed my draft. "You sure like to use long sentences. We can not have complete sentences, let alone long ones, Walter. We have to work on this.

It took me an hour or so to finish the first section this morning. I had to write about a topic about which I had no previous writing experience. I did not know how to describe or bring to life a certain experience so as to bring it to life. I was making it the first topic read and so it had to compliment what was written in the cover letter. It had to flow.

I should have had a basketball hoop on top of the trash can as I kept throwing crumpled sheets of paper away. So many areas, So many structural problems in developing the presentation.

Finally a combination of words and phrases worked. Condensing 4 sentences into one and expressing clearly what I needed to be conveyed without becoming "too much".

Something told me to walk over to the Transition House to check on their computers. I had to make sure I could use them. I could not use these, at the library, because they do not accept flash drives.

It was good that I followed my instincts because the computer lab was closed. The STRIVE program was having an orientation. A new group of students were there. Wow, that program has grown. I remembered when they started last April. They had six students. They had over thirty in the computer lab today. Eric, the computer teacher, told me today that they were expecting 10 more computers tomorrow. The lab would be shut down. He was going to format my documents after I typed them out.

At one o'clock, I walked into Chrysalis and found vacant the only computer that read flash drives. The remaining computers only accepted floppy discs. I plugged in the flash drive, found my long handed drafts in my book bag and began to type. I had to refine a few things along the way but I was finished at 2:00.

Hold it, that is a lie. I was almost finished at 2:00. I had another section to do. I walked in and told the lady I wasa there and almost finished. That was ok. I breathed a sigh of relief and returned to my computer terminal where, after an additional thirty minutes, I was finished. Finished, yeah right, that was only the end of the beginning.

I walked into the lady's office and she plugged in my drive. We went to work.
"Too many sentences, Walter. Cut it down." "Lets change this." "Lets rephrase that."

I am proficient at Microsoft Word. She is an expert. She rearranged things,
She erased things. She brought them back. She played around with different designs and formats. She asked my opinion when she needed them but I did not want to
volunteer anything. She was like Picasso or Rembrandt. She was creating a document of beauty. I loved watching her work.

Finally, it was complete. Sure there are a couple of minor changes that will have to be madebut that is nothing. The boiler plate packaging of Walter Melton is complete.

The lady looked at me and told me that my resume was indeed complex because of the diversified background and the challenge was to integrate the skills and talents into transferable areas.

For years I looked at some resumes I did in Philadelphia. I only had to do a couple because basically, I either made a phone call if I wanted new employment or I was recruited. Resumes were not a part of my process. They are now.

When I was indulging, many times I dreaded the thought of creating one. I had to be creative. I had to partition skills and then integrate them. I had to use buzz words without becoming redundant. I had to have a CLEAR mind to do so and that was not the case during those years. Therefore I would procrastinate and loose confidence as the delays extended from months to years. As that confidence would erode, the self indulgence would increase to dull the pain. It was a vicious cycle.

I broke that cycle. It was probably, at this phase, the most important thing that could have happened, that needed to happen. It puts me in the stadium now. I am in the game to get a job but that is just the stadium of life. I won't be back into the game until a job is secured.

A couple of months ago I put together a resume after meeting Tom Gilmore. I mentioned earlier how I had wanted to work for him for years. I put it together and emailed it. It was returned. They could not deliver it. Somehow I had the wrong email address.
I called his office and obtained the correct address.
I held off on resending the resume.

I am glad I did. The more I read it, the more it looked like one of these narrations I do everyday. It looked crowded and it appeared that someone would have to put too much energy to read it. The information contained in it was solid but you would have to hunt for it and a man like Tom Gilmore does not have time to hunt for anything on a resume. He would have thrown it in the trash.

My point is that one's external presentation reflects where one is internally. If the external presentation is in a lag mode and is trailing what is inside of someone, then that state of being is not seasoned or matured enough. It is important to be aware of all cues to gain an accurate gauge of where one is within oneself and one's position within the environment around oneself.

I experienced the benefit of patience by taking the time to work through every detail of a presentation and, while doing so, uncovered hidden baggage and worked through it all. It was good. It was a solid development.

That was yesterday. I did not post the blog as I was having tempermental computer problems. I came into Chrrysalis at 8:00AM. When I first started coming here my energies were 85% on writing the blog and 15% looking for employment. My self esteem was too low to effectively begin to pursue employment.

Yesterday seems so long ago. I talked to Jose and he updated me on my situation, legally. I was surprised that he finally was able to get some clarity about my circumstances. Some things are still unclear but the longevity of time and the activities, in which I have been engaged, have served to my advantage. It appears as though my credibility is extending itself to larger concentric circles.

My focus is 85% job research and 15% blogging when I come here to Chrysalis now.
It will grow to 95% soon. I am not slowing down on the blog but I am more efficient in doing it. I am more comfortable with just whatever I am writing. I was concerned, as you know, about not having a niche. I was concerned about writing enough about exciting places in downtown, or government meetings and decisions. I was concerned that I was not shedding light on Skid Row conditions and further illuminating the conditions of this environment.

There is a multiplicity of Skid Row facets. One can talk about the missions. Sure the loom large as physical edifices. However, how much impact do they have on the total Skid Row population. I do not know the answer to that. Some people say they do not have much. Yesterday, I ran into a lady that I have known for years and she feels they can have great impact if you seek their services and do what is needed to advance. She pointed out that she was able to get housing at one shelter. Now she has temporary housing, and soon, she will be placed in permanent housing. She was about to proceed with a dental care program and soon she will have a new bridge, which will be the crowning end to a long patient process.

It became clear to me that her story is about Skid Row. I am not talking about the politics of Skid Row. I am talking about what makes up Skid Row. It is the people. Many different people. Many different circumstances. Some love it here. Some hate it here. Some are doing whatever it takes to improve their lives and return to society as they know it or want to experience it. Some want to stay here and do nothing. Some want to stay here on contribute to the community.
No matter which way it goes, Skid Row is about people and their lives. Right now I am in a phase that everybody finds themselves in on Skid Row. If you want to get somewhere, you must have income. Some have it here and some don't.

It has taken all of this time to evolve mentally, physically and emotionally to the point where I can focus one hundred percent on employment search, even when contengencies arise, and maintain my blog as well. The blog, at this point, like right now, is an in depth look at what I need to do to bring all of the previous experience together to utilize my resources in an efficient manner.

It was said by another blogger that I was using inventiveness to blog. He was referring to the different computer locations I had to access to successfully publish the blog. Sometimes the blog would be complete, but the computer would crash. The blog would disappear. I had to redo it. It took determination of purpose to get the job done. That exercise was repeated over and over.

It has become clear that the inventiveness used to blog will be a key component
in successfully putting together different resumes for different postions. It is clear to me that some places take flash drives. Some don't. Some computers, within locations, do not take flash drives but will take floppy discs. There exist a matrix input variables that must be known and utilized to be successful.

I sat this morning and searched the job boards of web sites. I used the search agents. I have developed the necessary tolerance to sit here and endure the search. Sometimes that endurance is not about having the drive to continue the search. Sometimes it is the ability to not count myself out when I see an opportunity and I begin to talk myself out of going for it. One must insulate oneself from that kind of thing. It can cripple you more than anything else.

This is what makes the difference in success and failure at this level on Skid Row. Some people want some things. Some of those things are easy for them to accomplish and maintain. For others those things may take them away from the happiness and growth they know can be realized in putting it all together, staying the course, perservering and forging it. "The harder you work, the luckier you get." I see every day where I am uncovering opporunities that I did not know existed just from one more click of the mouse or one more "keyword punchin".

When I started blogging from this very location, a little over three months ago, I knew nothing about it. I have learned about the whole industry and related industries and quite a bit about the interent in general. Different aspects of it.
I was crushed when it took 2 weeks to get 10 readers on my website but I kept writing.

I began the blog when I first moved to a new building and I also had tremendous obligations that demanded all of my times. All kinds of job classes. Many of those things were less than remedial but each had a purpose. They increased my ability to endure,at that level, with what it took to succeed at that level and be able to be at this level. (while typing this paragraph, the Chrysalis lady came by and said I could be seen at 3:00 PM. Great. Now I can spend time at lunch thinking of questions to ask her about how to strategically place my resumes and if it is ok to send her refined drafts for her review so I can keep things going on all levels. )

As I was saying, I did not know anything about the blogging world, now I am enmeshed in it and my involvement in it serves many purposes. It may even find an employment position for me.

This Phase requires alot. It requires total focus. I remember when someone
from LAdowntownlive magazine, I believe that is the name,(I tried to find it but couldnt while writing this so I could link it. Mr. Martinez is the publisher.)
wrote me and told me that I was not alone in my journey. I felt so alone at the time. The gentleman was gracious and told me that people were interested in my progress and that I was courageous in sharing the journey with others.

He said I would face many challenges. I remembered that. I did not know how the challenges would come but I knew they would present themselves in many ways. I knew that from an intense amount of experience in dealing with one challenge after another, and many times, not knowing, they were even going to appear.
I remembered every day what that man said to me in his comment on my blog. He has no idea at how much he played a part in getting me to this point. This is where I wanted to be when I started blogging. I was not here yet. It took months of work. It took months of encouragement. It took months of people like Jose and Kevin and Debbie and others telling me to stay focused. Stay focused.

I received another comment last night to stay focused. Staying focus is very much an attribute that is required to move forward on Skid Row. I have become rather good at it. EVen when down, I kept my eye on the ball, no matter how small it seemed or how far away.

Right now, this is what my blog is about. I started the blog during a new phase. I am starting a new phase now. There are many sub phases that are on going as well.
The management of these phases and subphases is what I am discussing. It is what Skid Row is about to many people with whom I communicate. Some people do not make it in this phase. It requires so much. It requires intensity and it reequires that I keep pressure on myself in a plethora of ways. Keep the pressure on the winning attitude. Things like that that can be so overlooked. Keep my eye on the details.

I have to go pay my phone bill on Broadway. I must do that and go to the room and straighten up. I want to see more there. I want to see more in side of me. I want to be able to see more that is available out here. I am writing about Skid Row.
I am writing about what people do not know and need to understand. What people go through at each phase. what it takes to move forward and accomplish things. It is hard but it is doable. At this phase you can see the light. It is shining bright. Some how you know you reach the door to the next room.

good morning world. I love you.

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