Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I am lucky

It never ceases to amaze me how delicate emotions can be. I was feeling many things earlier. I apologize for nothing that was said. I stand by my emotions. I feel that some people are overlooked. I feel that the people who care the most interface with them. Yet there is only so much they can do. They have to adhere to policy whatever it is.

I think they are the miracle workers on Skid Row. Miracle workers come in all kinds of ways. I walked outside and to the library to tell you about one.

He is not known by the thousands on Skid Row. However, he pours his heart and soul into their well being everyday. He listens to every clue that can help him solve the problems of the area. He listens to me whine and moan and want to give up.

After dealing with meetings all day, he tolerates my defeated moment with grace. He tries to paint a picture that will knock me out of the muck of despair. My despair comes and goes like the street signs that appear each time I go around a corner on Recovery Road.

I will have none of it. I will not embrace anything that is positive. I choose to hold on to the negative because that is what I am used to feeling. He tries another angle, he tries a joke. He is good. He never says die.
Sooner or later, he hits a mark. I may not express it over the phone, but I felt the arrow of calm piercing into me that came from his quiver.

I do not know what it was today that did it but I know I recognized it. He took our frienship to another level
today. He reached down into himself and showed me of what he is made.

Last week, I said something about giving up. Instantly I noticed a change in the air over the airwaves. It was clear he went deep into his past and felt something. I did not mention it. I noticed it.
Today I said pretty much the same thing. This time the reaction was expansive. I was sorry that I made him remember some pain.

However, that is when he rose to his best. He dug deep into his pain to releave me of mine. It was a very selfless act.
He dispensed to me the wisdom that came from that mysterious time, a time that was a life altering experience for him and people around hime.

What a friend, to share something so personal and to do it without preparation or planning. He was drafted by the incalcitrant stubborness of my disposition.

And now I am sitting here ,sharing with anyone who cares to read this ,the wisdom of his experience.
I am very lucky today. Look where I was this time last year. I was in a jail dormitory.

A few months ago I was sitting in another dormitory. I had no real support system that would sustain itself beyond the borders of the facility where I lived. Within a few weeks I have met some beautiful people who are encouraging me to succeed. They are fighting for me as much if not more than I am fighting for myself.

I have been embraced by a writing community. My mentor acknowledged some growth a gesture that gives me inspiration. A

I am lucky enough to have another friend who is going to shorten the learning curve. He has taken time out of his schedule to teach me the tidbits of what 'open source' is about. He pushes me to be the best I can be. he pushes me to maintain a standard of precision that is beyond reproach.

I have another friend who is having me over for Thanksgiving Dinner with his family. My god, that is incredible.


It is a love that is there but it may seem to be an illusion because one must gain clarity through the fog of one's own baggage.

I am grateful that my friend pulled me out of it today. This is one of the men and women that fight for people like me everyday. His life is Skid Row. He gets in his car and I call him first thing in the morning. I call him on the way back home.

I whine more times than not. He is patient and compassionate. Thank you my friend for caring about me and the people of Skid Row. You and the people you have introduced me to are the unsung soldiers.

Yes, I am lucky. I want to say thank you, my friend. You are priceless.

So is some other person. "Figarooooooooooo"

1 comment:

City Center POZ said...

I'm glad you're where you are today and not where you were last year, Walter.

I love your blog. Thank you for sharing your journey.