There are some days to which you look forward with great expectation and then once they come, it is no where near what you thought would happen.
Today is one of those days. I walk around trying to figure out what to do. I guess this is what I am suppose to do. Write about the this moment in the journey.
I walked over to The Transition House. My probation officer called over there. I do not know why she was so hyper. I called there last week. I talked to her boss. I talked to her a month ago and told her I had moved. Last week the boss said the computer showed no record changes. How can that be, I do not know.
The probation officer called me three times this morning. She left a message that she had to talk to me about the upcoming court visit. Her supervisor told me that all I had to do was call her AFTER the court visit.
The problem is the probation officer has none done her report. It is not my fault. She lagged on her in and is now in a state of panic. It is another case of the bureaucracy not doing their job.
I am lucky. From what I have seen this past year, when there is the slightest bit of inaccuracy and when the probation officers are at fault, they will put out a warrant for the person. The probationee or parolee would be exactly where they were suppose to be, in a program. They were at the program to which they were released from court. They could not have been released had not the proper officials came and retrieved them. They are there doing the right thing and the next thing you know they are stopped by the police. The police computer says there is a warrant for the arrest of the individual.
The parolee or probationee has done nothing wrong. The ineffient or incompetent or apathetic bureaucrat is the problem. In any event, the person is arrested and goes to jail until the probation officer releases the hold on the person. Sometimes that can take weeks. The person must sit in county jail, at risk of anything happening.
I sat there for four months, waiting for a misdemeanor to come to court and there were fights every day in my dormitory and the occasional riot. The probation officers do not care. They are not in jail. The public defenders always say, "It is only a couple of weeks, you can wait." Those are the public defenders that do not care. There are many of those. They ruin the image of those that are dedicated.
Two weeks in jail can make the difference between life and death.
I remember when someeone who I love dearly called the police. It was connected with this experience that I am going through. I could not believe that the person wanted me in jail where I could be killed and there was nothing I could do to change the person's mind about my innocence. That is why I wish they have a trained mentally ill person to accompany police officers on elderly calls because the person could have alzherimer's disease. The person could determine immediately if certain questions should be asked, if certain considerations be made before ruining a person's life and the life of the person they believe they are protecting.
An acceptal level of collateral damage that I read about, referring to Alzheimer's cases in domestic calls is not acceptable to me, expecially since I know how it feels to be the collateral damage.
Can I blame the person who called the police. I did for a long time. I still struggle with it. The person went on what the person was told. I just wish the person had talked to me first instead of assuming I was trying to steal a car. However, emotions run high and if there are resentments there are resentments.
All of this after I battled drugs and won.
People, on Skid Row, many of them have battled demons. Many of them have done and are doing the right things. Sometimes, the records do not show that. Rumor, gossip and innuendo are the standards for truth instead of benefits of doubt or acknowledgement that perfect information may not be in possession of the one who can cause damage to a person's life.
I am vascillating because I do not feel comfortable doing anything until I find this probation officer. The last thing I need is for her to a warrant out on me.
The Officials at the Transition House said they PLACED ME IN AFTER CARE. Can you believe that. I never got any care there. Whatever care that was given was given to myself with the help of friends. It was not about a court program. It was about a program to make sure I kept my sanity.
My brother in law, asked me once, "What are they doing for me?"
Natural question, a good question. A sincere question. The problem with that question was that there was nothing they could do for me. My problem was not the alleged truths of lawyers who said wrong things. And One day I will tell my sister why those people from Torrance said those things. They were wrong in what they did and lied to cover their ass. I know it and they know it. "Let's paint him as crazy and violent. He is already on record as being such." The police officers and
case managers and everybody on Skid Row knows that is rediculous.
But I wait until I speak to the Probation officer. I have already experienced being a casualty, and was the sacrifice for someone's ambitious plans for promotion, or a legal fee. I have no plans on going that path again.