Thursday, December 27, 2007
I have taken a picture of this building a couple of times. Does anyone know which one it is. I do not. I really want someone to tell me. I stand on the roof of my building and take pictures of it. I like the way the mountain is set behind it.
I took a bus this morning out to Westchester, next to the airport. My friend, Randy, the person I have known the longest in my life, made impressions so I can get bridges for my teeth. Randy has always been there for me. It took me an hour to get there and an hour to get back.
I just want to say, first, that the Los Angeles Mission, has opened their dental clinic. I have a friend who is delighted that they are fixing her teeth and making a bridge for her. I understand that a lot of people are taking advantage of the service.
Why am I not doing that? I have decided to devote as much time as I can trying to get a job. Waiting 4 to 6 hours to see a dentist, takes away from my job search time. I am glad they are offering the service. I wish they would just allow appointments to be made. Anyway, my hat is off to them for doing that for the people of Skid Row. I figured Herb Smith had to be a nice guy. He spent three years in Brazil. You all know how I love Brazil after being a student down there.
I should be happy that I was getting my teeth fixed but I was depressed coming home.
I had to go by my mother's house. I saw it but had to keep going. Seemed so strange that two people are separated because of the power of a governmental body that made its decision on misunderstanding. It is hard to deal with. Then, in the distance, I saw the skyline. I knew I was headed there.
I felt old, unwanted and not very confident of my future. I see people go home every day. There families come get them. Some of the people going home are doing a good job of changing their lives. The others, well, say it like this. They must be great actors because they smoke cocaine every day.
I wonder why is it they are going home and I am staying. I wonder what it would take to have my sister see me in a different light. Everybody down here does.
Randy said I looked 100 percent better. I guess it is because I hurt her so much by doing drugs. I honestly did not know that she cared.
I have received some nice comments from people and it surprises me that they are rooting for me so much.
Tonight is class night . I can go to another one. That reminds me. I better get some air in my tire. It is low and the class is a good bike ride away.
I must pick up where I left off in my cover letter and resume. I have done what I could to get my teeth fixed. Now I dont have to worry about that holding me back. I do not know how long it will take for things to be ready but I have time. Nobody is knocking on my door. I must knock on their door.
Skid Row is cold today. I wonder if it is just because I am still suffering from the effects of the death of Benazir Bhutto. It has had a deep impact on me.
I do not have too much news to tell you. I am just trying to hang in there and keep up the faith. It is easier at times than it is other times.
I asked someone today if she thought most people are determined to get out of Skid Row. "No Walter. They are doing the same things that they used to do. Most of them. There are those, like you, me and others who are really fighting to get out of here. Some need family to have confidence in them, some need a job, some need services that they do not know how to get down here."
I am determined to get out of here. That is why I do not go to the mission to get my teeth fixed. I need to used every waking moment to wage this battle, to put in resumes, to try and convince an employer that I can do an exceptional job for them.
All I need is that chance. I bettered my odds today with that bus ride. I will have to take a couple more until the job is done. IT is ok. I am pushing forward the best way I know how.
I wonder what it is like for others who are trying to get out. I know that some are really suffering. I walked into a meeting on my way to a computer. It was packed. It is never packed. Some of the people are struggling to stay clean. Some are struggling to gain confidence in themselves. Some wish family members believed they were clean. Some, like myself, just put one foot in front of the other and do the best I can to make something happen.
"Walter, she will find out what you are doing. "
"She just will. I have seen it happen many times. Believe it. You are doing too many good things for her not to know."
Thanks dear lady. I must go now. I must think of the comments from people that keep me going. I must think of the things I need to study and go study them. I must put one foot in front of the other.
I think my problem is that i want to come up with an idea for an interesting blog. Mine seems so boring.