Tuesday, December 11, 2007
It is 11:00 AM on Wednesday morning, december 12. IT is 14 months and one day of being clean. Actually, it is longer than that but that this will suffice. I question being so public now about my use of drugs in the past but I am comfortable with it. I am past the point of no return. I am deep into the sharing of this journey. At times I wonder if something is appropriate to share. I am beginning to understand that when I ask that question, the subject matter, in question, demands that I share it. It is the qualitative nature of the subject matter which might be of help to someone and their family members.
I am sitting at Chrysalis. I had an appointment with the site director at 9:00AM.
I was on time but she was busy. The important part was that I finished the detailed cronology of my work history. She wanted all of the details as she said my work experience is vast and varied, though of high end quality.
I did the painstaking work, even going as far back as when I worked for Walter and Peter O'Malley of the Dodgers. You never know what skill she may spot that could be transferable to something else.
I have exercised patience in making sure my infrastructure at home and within myself is strong in order to begin a sustained compaign in moving forward in all aspects of my life. I made sure my room is cleaned out. There is more work to do before I start coping job postings but that should be done tonight. I took a skills test. I am not assuming anything about myself. As my brother in law said, I am looking at the world through different eyes. Therefore, I need to examine myself with much scrutiny. I may find out things about myself that I did not know as I did when I was triathlon training and studying a crossection of academic disciplines.
I my activity level in my gmail account is growing. I opened it because I wanted to start something new to symbolize a new beginning, a new phase with a different qualitative aspect to it in the content of my emails or the sources there of.
I used to get disappointed with delays if meetings were postponed or delayed. I find that I am no longer full of angst when it occurs. I believe it is a key milestone in this process. Somewhere in the meaning is the fact that there is more confidence that things will work out, some kind of way.
There may be a background artist job for this movie down here. I will find out today.
Jose Egurbide called me. He needs me to locate OG man. Apparently he needs sizes of sweats so that the 3 on 3 team can be outfitted. There is a good possibility that a former friend, though estranged from me, feels that a cause I feel is worthwhile, warrants his attention and support.I am glad I gave Jose some direction in accomplishing his objective. It is good to know that I contributed in some form or fashion to the advancement of certain projects that are positive on Skid Row.
The Christmas tree lighting at San Julian park on Fifth and San Julian will be December 14. There will be singing of Christmas Carols as well. The tree is already up and it does look beautiful.
Don Garza is rehearsing everyday for a play. I think that will serve us well in this new venture. When we go live, he will be at his best.
Thousands of prison inmates are set to be released early. There has been a decision to release those who are serving time for Crack convictions to be released.
Apparently the powers that be agree that it is unfair to punish a person longer for a different form of cocaine.
I finally received a copy of a business plan outline. I can begin to create a business plan so don and I can organize and plan the progress of our channels.
I will use it to develop a plan for my life as well-An analytical tool. a blueprint
for progress and advancement.
I am struggling to find the right answer about the letter to mom. I will write it. I believe I should listen to my attorneys. However, my desire is to develop a spirit of cooperation with my sister. The problem is gambling with courts. it is a gamble of my freedom, weighing the strength of blood against the intrusion of others. IT is a hard call but the right answer will prevail. I do not need to rush. Optimally I shall talk to sis. She has no idea of my anxiety about this.
I share this because these are the delicate things that those such as myself, must endure in a cost/benefit analysis decision making process that determines the quality and expeditious nature of one's rebuilding of life.
I see people go through it everyday on Skid Row. Some do not do so well. They fall prey to drugs. A woman is week for a man. A man is week for a woman. A man is week for a man and a woman is week for a woman. Both can become weak for drugs to get them through a moment. They risk it all for that. They usually loose. There is a low percentage for those who continue the path. There is a much lower percentage for those who fall off of the wagon and climb back aboard.
People fall off everyday as I push forward. I see it. I acknowledge it but I keep pushing. I dialogue with those that keep pushing. If the chance arises, I tell the person who relapses, not to beat themselves up. It is hard. It is hard to convince them not to do so. They feel what I see--what everyone sees when they relapse. They have lost something. They lost that something that they may not get back. They lost the edge.
There is a growing number of those emerging who, not only have the edge, but are increasing it, building on it and beginning to enjoy small positive economies because of it. Yes, we have some longevity in a variety of things.
I must go. I have to advance someway in some area. Which one? I do not know. However, it is time to go. Chrysalis is closing down for lunch. My appointment has been changed until tomorrow. I have a few people to find. I must get lunch. I do not want to spend money for it. I am planning better. Tightening up.
Discipline and Toughness will plow a way through this level. STay the course.
See the clear ahead. It is there. I am coming from behind something. I am heading to something. I am beginning to enjoy some small things, finally , in this process.
What it is, I shall share with you when I can codify it.
Good Morning, world. I love you.